But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
