also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
your like the ambassador to my penis.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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