rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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