I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
