I hate all girls vehemently.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
