is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
