I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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