Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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