dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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