I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize