Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
