Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
