Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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