I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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