Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
