my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
