I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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