whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
