Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
