she woke up with a sticky ear
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
