Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
