Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
