As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
