well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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