I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize