Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
