WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Blood and glitter go together right?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
