I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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