if you like me you must not know who I am
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
