This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
