hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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