she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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