whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
well I can't set my house on fire every night
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
