I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
