When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
