You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
