We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
