I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
