Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
