I molested 6 butterflies tonight
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
