It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
