i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize