Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
