well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
