May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize