They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
