I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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