If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
