Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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