ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
