I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
this boner is exhausting
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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