Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
