Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
