I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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