I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
