good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize