Did you just see the Batmobile???
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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