i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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