hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
