I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
