are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
