she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Floor bacon is actually really good
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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