I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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