Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
