my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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