I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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