she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
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