I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
