For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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