In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
they need to just BURY HIM!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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