Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
