The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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