Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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