I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
