I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
