census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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