Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
