i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
