i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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