She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You pole danced in your parka.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
